Beneath (Heven and Hell #3.5) Read online

  I don’t know what I’d been thinking going over there tonight. I should’ve just avoided him until I couldn’t, which probably would’ve been in a room full of people at Heven’s. At least then, we wouldn’t be alone and he wouldn’t be able to get the truth out of me. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to tell him. I was just afraid if I did he would throw everything away and I wouldn’t have enough resolve to stop him.

  “Tell me what the price is to love you. I’ll pay it.”

  I would hear those words in my sleep. I would hear them in the sunrise and when the stars sparkled in the sky. They would be there always, whispering directly to my heart, following me wherever I would go, and even if I spent eternity alone, those words would forever wrap around my soul and keep me from ever feeling alone. To him, those words had been a plea, but to me… they were everything.

  The door to the seedy bar slammed and brought me out of my thoughts. This was no time to moon over a lost love. I had work to do, work that was important and the sole reason I was allowed to live here on Earth instead of being damned to hell. If I did nothing else right in my entire existence, I would at least be able to rid the Earth of scum.

  I straightened and walked out of the rolling smoke and toward the entrance to the bar. It was late, just the right hour for predators to be on the loose. I pulled the door open and went inside, shaking my hair around my shoulders and putting a little extra swing to my step. Not too much, just a little.

  I sat at the bar—at the single open seat. The bartender, a greasy-looking man in a sweat-stained gray T-shirt, came over with a dirty white rag in his hand. “What can I get you?”

  “Vodka, on the rocks.” I sat back in my seat and kicked one leg up over the other, stretching out my toe and pointing it toward the floor. Knee-high boots were a necessity for me—a place to hide all my weapons—but men liked them for other reasons.

  My drink arrived in front of me and I reached out and pulled the glass closer, not letting on that even touching the glass made my skin crawl. Before I could force myself to take a sip, a man, about three inches shorter than me with a bald head and tattoos on his neck, came over.

  “Buy you a drink?” he said.

  “I’ve got one, thanks.” He wasn’t the guy I was here for.

  “That one’s gonna be empty soon.” He tried again.

  I set the glass down on the counter and leaned over into his ear like I was about to tell him the secret to unlock all women. I could hear him swallow at the impression that his offer for more liquor had won my heart. “I’m not interested,” I said with just enough bite to snap him out of his love-drunk stupor. “But in spirit of your offer, I’ll let you pretend it was you who rejected me. Now get out of here before I introduce you to the dagger in my boot.”

  He pulled back, sneering, to look me in the eye, and what he saw there must have convinced him I was serious because very loudly he said, “Lady you’re sick!” and then shuffled back to his table with his equally disgusting friends.

  I suppressed an eye roll and turned back to the bar to grab my drink. After a few minutes of pondering just how dirty the glass really was, I was approached.

  This time by the breeder.

  I always loved the jobs when the scum came to me.

  Suddenly the barstool next to me was available and a man wearing scuffed-up jeans and boots slid in close to me. I glanced at him and gave a half-smile, taking in his tight black T-shirt, long blond hair, and unshaven face. He actually was pretty good-looking—but all Incubi were. It was how they lured in the women.

  Incubi were the worst kind of evil because they pretended they weren’t evil at all. They preyed on women, lonely women who were easy targets. They flashed their smiles, pretended to care, and then before you knew it, the woman was pregnant with the spawn of a demon. But sometimes there was an Incubus who wasn’t into luring in the women first. Maybe they were impatient or maybe it was just because they were mean, but it was those breeders who just took what they wanted, planting their seed and then disappearing, only to reappear in another city to do it all over again. Breeders were one of the devil’s favorite types of way to spread wickedness and sin around the earth. All he had to do was turn them loose and watch as demon spawn was born to commit violent and wretched acts against the people of God.

  I’d taken down a lot of these breeders, and tonight I was adding to the list.

  “What’s a girl like you doing in a bar like this?” the blond asked, leaning in just a little so I could hear him over the awful, loud music.

  I smiled, showing my teeth. “Looking for a guy like you.”

  He smiled and reached up to rub his jaw with his hand. “Well, now…”

  I took a sip of the vodka, feeling it burn all the way down. I hated alcohol. It was nasty, stupid, and I didn’t understand why anyone would want to drink something that would cause them to lose control of themselves or any situation they were in. But it would look weird if the girl I was portraying was sitting in a bar, looking for a certain type of guy, and not interested in even sipping something.

  “What do ya say we get out of here?” he said, getting right down to business, and I wanted to laugh with joy.

  This time, my smile was genuine, but only because this was going to be a quick job. “Lead the way.”

  He stood and grabbed the almost full glass of vodka still in my hand and swallowed it in one gulp. On the inside my stomach turned, but I continued to smile on the outside. We endured a few cat calls as we walked through the bar and toward the door and then stepped out in the cold night air. I welcomed it because it was better than the stale, nasty air that had been inside. I giggled like an airhead as he grabbed my hand and pulled me into the alley, going straight into the smoke where I’d been moments before. He pushed me up against the wall and brought himself closer.

  “Tell me what the price is to love you. I’ll pay it.”

  The words whispered through my head as the Incubus lowered his head to kiss me. I turned my head, giggling, and in one swift moment yanked out the dagger and shoved it into his chest. Then I thrust him away from me. I couldn’t bear to have this scum anywhere near me when Cole was so close to the surface of my mind.

  He looked up in shock as I reached over and yanked out the dagger, which made an exaggerated sucking sound. “You should be more selective about the ladies you try to pick up,” I snapped and he fell over onto his back. I watched as he took one last gasp. Then his body slowly began to melt away until there was nothing in the alleyway but me and the cabbage-scented exhaust.

  That was one good thing about killing these evil creations. Body clean up was always a snap because the devil always made sure his beings wouldn’t be found, because then there would be questions. There would be fear, and that was bad for business.

  I wiped the dagger off on a napkin stuck in my pocket, then sheathed it back in my boot. I didn’t have to look to make sure no one was watching because the alley was empty and I was shrouded in smoke. So I used one of the powers I’d been able to keep when I fell and simply disappeared.

  * * *

  The forest at night is very still, especially when winter is approaching because all the animals have taken shelter or gone south (like I usually did) for the winter. Because it’s so still, every sound that arises resonates through the trees, bouncing off every branch, every rock, and every fallen limb. Usually, I’m able to identify the sounds immediately because nature is something that I’m very in tune with, something I’ve always understood. I feel the most at home amongst nature, outside where the air is clear and there are no walls to confine me.

  I missed flying and I missed my wings more than anything from before I fell. There’s no other feeling like it in the world—when your pair of wonderfully white, sturdy wings lifts you off the ground as though you are a mere grain of sand and propels you up away from everyone and everything to soar through an endless vast space. The air is so thin that you can scarcely feel it against your skin and pulling through you
r hair… It’s almost as if you are the only thing that exists for one long, delicious moment.

  It was the reason I liked to sleep in trees. To feel connected to the air, to be lifted off the ground once more. Well, that and it made sense for protection. If someone was going to attack me, they’d first have to spot me high up amongst a tree’s bountiful foliage, but also manage to not make a sound as they came up after me.

  Tonight, I found myself wandering through the forest I like most in this part of Maine. It was on the outskirts of Gran’s farm, just on the other side of the lake that bordered the property. I reached into my coat and pulled out my knit hat, a brilliant shade of blue, and pulled it down over my head, making sure my ears were covered. I didn’t have many material possessions. I didn’t want them. They weighed me down, made me feel heavy. But when I saw this hat in a storefront window, it practically sang my name. Plus, it was practical for keeping warm.

  Never mind that the fabric’s shade of blue matched the color of Cole’s eyes almost exactly.

  A sound erupted close by. I was unable to identify it immediately, and that set my teeth on edge. It was a low sound, almost a humming, and it was very persistent. I spun in a circle, peering through the night, when I felt something vibrating inside my coat.

  My phone!

  I unzipped the coat far enough to reach in and pull the phone out of the inside breast pocket and glanced down at the glowing screen. It was Cole. I should’ve known it was him. He was one of the very few that had this number. I disliked even having a phone, but I felt it was necessary, given all the stuff that was going on lately. I stared at his name on the screen as the phone continued to buzz in my hand. It was late, nearly two in the morning, and I wondered what he was doing awake. I hoped the fact that he was calling meant that Kimber had gone home, but since it was so late, I wondered if perhaps she’d just left him and this was his first opportunity to call.

  The phone stopped vibrating in my hand and his name disappeared. The words “missed call” flashed across the screen before it went dark. I thought about calling him back, but I knew I couldn’t. Part of me hoped he would leave a voicemail just so I could hear his voice. But he didn’t, and I dropped the phone back into my pocket and continued walking.

  The stillness of the forest suddenly was disrupted; I could hear the snapping of branches and the splash of water nearby. A bird called out before lifting up into the sky and flying away. I made my way closer to the sounds, wondering what could be disturbing the night this way.

  Seconds later, I saw a dark shape dart from behind a tree and disappear behind another. It was a large shape, and momentarily I was brought back to the past when I’d been out in the forest and had been taken by surprise by an animal of similar shape. Without thinking, I darted through the trees, heading right for its location; only, the spot was now empty. I turned, searching the dark, and saw it disappearing just behind another tree about twenty yards away. This time, instead of running, I disappeared from where I stood to reappear right behind the animal.

  It caught my movement, whipped around with a ferocious growl, and launched itself at me. I did the same and the two of us slammed together in mid-air, then twisted to fall toward the ground. I was able to land on top, but the beast bucked and snarled, taking a swipe at me with its massive paw. I was about to pull out my dagger when I caught a flash of gold and gasped.

  “Sam!”

  The hellhound stopped fighting and blinked up at me, almost as if a cloud was being lifted from his eyes. He blinked. I jumped to my feet, thoughts of needing my dagger gone, and stepped back to give him some space.

  The air around us seemed to change slightly as he shifted from beast to man. I averted my gaze, not wanting to catch an eyeful of parts I’d rather not see.

  “Gemma?” Sam said, his voice sounding like he hadn’t used it in a while.

  “It’s the middle of the night, Sam. What are you doing out here? Is something wrong? Was the farm attacked?” I was instantly alert, looking for something or someone he could be chasing away from the ones he loved.

  “No, the farm is safe,” he replied.

  My eyes sought him out, forgetting that I wasn’t supposed to be looking at him, because of what I heard in his voice. He seemed a little confused and slightly embarrassed.

  I wondered if the embarrassment was because he was naked.

  He cleared his throat but made no move to cover himself so I guessed maybe it wasn’t that. “Sam, what’s going on?” I kept my eyes on his face, watching for some kind of play of emotion in his features.

  He sighed. “I’ve been shifting lately… unexpectedly.”

  “At night?”

  “Mostly.” He hedged and I knew it had happened in daylight too, but I didn’t press.

  “Can’t you shift back?”

  He nodded. “I can… but then I’m really edgy and I feel… caged.” He looked down at the ground and I looked at a tree above his head. “So when it happens, I go with it… I run until I feel like I can take being in my skin again.”

  Something in his voice squeezed my heart. It was the sound of loss. Of heartache. I recognized the sound even after all these years. “Heven doesn’t know, does she?” I asked quietly.

  He shoved a hand through his hair. “No. I don’t want her to worry. She’s been through enough. This isn’t anything anyway, just me dealing…” His voice trailed away.

  “Dealing with Logan?” I asked softly.

  He nodded, his eyes dropping to the ground again.

  “Maybe talking about it with Heven would help.” I suggested.

  He made a soft sound like a snort. “We do talk about it. Every day. We visit Logan every day. Talking about it doesn’t seem to help.”

  “I meant, talk about the shifting.” It sounded to me like all this talk about Logan was like a black cloud hanging over them both. Remembering the dead is a good thing, but not when it holds back the living from actually living.

  “Yeah, maybe you’re right.” He agreed, but he didn’t sound convinced.

  “I’ve been to heaven, you know,” I told him gently. Allowing the bright memory of my former home to wash over me. I felt my lips curve into a smile.

  “Before you fell?” Sam said, his voice losing the confusion and gaining some interest.

  “Yes, before I fell. Heaven was my home. I was created there.”

  “Does that mean you don’t have parents?”

  “God is my Father.”

  “And your mother?”

  “You don’t need a mother when you’re created directly by God.”

  He was silent a moment. “How old are you anyway?”

  I laughed. “Don’t you know it’s impolite to ask a lady her age?”

  He grinned. “You’re a lot of things, but you are no lady.”

  “Says the man standing here naked.” I grinned.

  His eyes widened like he just realized he might be feeling a draft. To his credit, he didn’t jump to hide himself.

  “Well, this is awkward,” he said.

  I laughed again. “Relax, I’m not looking. Besides, in heaven a lot of the angels wore no clothes.”

  “Really?” he asked. I nodded. “Well, I ain’t no angel.”

  “And I’m not telling you my age.”

  He snorted. “You’re probably so old you lost count.”

  He was right, but I wasn’t about to admit it.

  “You know, I brought up heaven for a reason,” I said, changing the subject. He didn’t say anything so I continued. “I’ve been there, Sam. Your brother is at peace. He’s happy. I promise you that.”

  He stared off to the side with a slight tick in his jaw as the breath in his chest hitched.

  “I couldn’t even describe it to you if I tried. It’s bright, it’s warm, and everyone is blissfully happy. There isn’t a single shred of discontentment. He’s probably looking down on you right now, wanting nothing but for you to move on.”

  “I won’t forget him,” he said,
his voice hard.

  “I don’t think you should forget him. You couldn’t if you tried. But I think you should move on. Let him live on through you and let him see that you’re happy.”

  He nodded but said nothing more. I decided that I’d said enough and hoped he’d actually heard some of it.

  “I should probably get back,” he finally said. “I don’t like leaving them alone like this. Especially at night.”

  I nodded. The responsibility that he carried on his shoulders was amazing to me. “You know Heven can take care of herself.” I pointed out.

  He smiled. “I know, but I want to be there.”